


no milk, no sugar

by Aquariusgarbag



Series: no milk, no sugar [1]
Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Club bathroom head, Evanstan - Freeform, Face Slapping, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Self Esteem Issues, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-04-08 09:52:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19104739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquariusgarbag/pseuds/Aquariusgarbag
Summary: “You’re really desperate for it, aren’t you?”Sebastian swallows and nods, feels himself blush despite, or because of, the truth in Chris’ words.





	1. 2010 (you’re the sun, you’ve never seen the night)

Sebastian’s part was small and not good. The movie seemed like it was going to be big and not good. ‘American Captain’ an action movie dressed up as a serious war picture. It was more ‘Independence Day’ then ‘Come and See’ or ‘Apocalypse Now.’ But it was a paycheck, and right now Sebastian needed a paycheck. ‘Gossip Girl’ has written him off, none of the auditions for plays he’s been doing had gone well, this looked like it was it for a while. He couldn’t fuck it up. He had to be on his best behavior, try to impress people with the scraps he was given. 

His part was that of the cowardly turncoat who betrays Capt. Rogers, Chris Evans character. He had about three lines. Times like these made Sebastian wonder where he had gone wrong. ‘I’ve been on fucking Broadway’, Sebastian thinks. ‘You were also in the fucking Covenant’ another part of his brain responds. 

What was it about him that made people cast him as the bad guy? If they even casted him.

He thinks he’s a pretty good actor, not the best, but good. Decent, at least. He tries hard, anyway. But he doesn’t have that special something casting directors are always looking for.

Chris Evans has that special something. Chris Evans might not be the world’s greatest actor, but he has that something. Sebastian admires Chris’ something, whatever it it is. Maybe admires is too strong a word, but something like admires. Almost admires Chris’ ability to be a leading man. An all-american superhero. A war hero. Someone everyone looks up to. 

Envies, maybe, is the word.

Sebastian isn’t thinking about this as he idles around set. He only thinks about that when he’s lying in bed, alone, nights when he’s too anxious to sleep. Right now he’s thinking about going out tonight, getting absolutely wasted and laid, hopefully by someone tall and authoritative.

He’s smoking outside someone’s trailer, a little bit away from craft services. They haven’t started filming his scene yet, might not even get to it today. He’s a little put out, he was hoping to be through today so that he could go out tonight. 

And then everything goes to shit. 

Chris Evans walks out of his trailer and straight into Sebastian Stan. The coffee Chris has been holding spills all over them both. 

Hot, black coffee spills all over Chris Evans, star of about a thousand movies, the perfect, all-american man that was the lead/producer of this film. Shit.

“What the fuck?” Evans asks furious. His wardrobe is ruined, the coffee burns. 

Sebastian is paralyzed. “Shit.” He says out loud. 

“Who the fuck are you? Why were you standing right in front of my goddamn door?” Chris asks, seemingly seeing him for the first time.

“Nobody.” Sebastian says. “I don’t know, look, man I’m really sorry.” Panic is creeping into his voice.

“Alright, get out of here, you’re fired.”

At this point a crowd of PAs and interns have materialized with napkins and towels and a clean outfit and fresh coffee. Sebastian tries to say something but Chris has stopped paying attention to him. He gets escorted off the lot like a goddamn loser. 

Sebastian sits in his rented car thinking ‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.’ 

He’s angry at Chris and even more angry at himself.

Sebastian has just lost a job that was going to pay six months worth of rent. All because he wasn’t paying attention to where he smoked. 

Well, at least he can go out tonight.

 

Sebastian is at a club. It’s a nice club, trendy. He hadn’t come with Chase or Leighton so he’d had to wait in line for an hour to get in. He guessed he might as well get used to that now, his career seemed to be D.O.A.

He drinks a vodka tonic.

He sizes up the crowd. Looks for someone to take his mind off his day, his year, his life. Looks for someone pretty and above him. He hears a commotion towards the entrance, people pointing, excitement. He really must have shitty luck. Chris Evans has just walked in. 

Shit.

He drinks another vodka tonic.

He thinks about leaving, but he’d already waited and paid, it’s not like Chris is going to notice or remember him. He finds a pretty blonde woman to dance with and tries to put him out of his mind. 

Only he can’t. He thinks about him yelling this afternoon, thinks about how really it was justified. Sebastian is a nobody and he fucked up. He thinks about how good Chris had looked angry. How his jaw had looked clenched. How his biceps had bulged.

He keeps seeing Chris out of the corner of his eye, lounging in the V.I.P. section, looking like an American god, blonde and golden and so muscular. He was like a college quarterback mixed with Apollo. He seemed bigger than his six foot height. Everywhere he went and anything he did made people pay attention, take notice. He was like everything Sebastian wanted to be but wasn’t. 

Sebastian knew he couldn’t have Chris. Knew Chris was way above his level. But Sebastian had never been good about going after the easy option. The safe option. He always grabbed for things out of reach, didn’t care if it sent him falling into the dirt. 

He drinks another vodka tonic. 

He finds Chris in the bathroom, they’re the only ones in there thankfully. Sebastian stands awkwardly by the sink until Chris is done with the urinal, until he walks towards the sinks. 

He says “Hey,” he’s trying for sultry, an obvious come on. He feels drunk and nihilistic enough not to care about the possible consequences.

Chris barely looks at him. He doesn’t seem to remember him. 

Sebastian licks his lips. Other men in other club bathrooms have told him he had lips made for sucking dick. 

He makes eye contact with the Chris in the mirror. “I thought you were great in Fantastic Four, I mean, I thought you looked great.”

That makes Chris smirk. He finishes washing his hands, makes for the paper towels.

“Listen, uh,” Says Sebastian. He’s no wordsmith, and he’s never actually had to convince someone to let him suck their dick before. 

Chris finally looks at him, really looks at him. “You’re really desperate for it, aren’t you?”

Sebastian swallows and nods, feels himself blush despite, or because of, the truth in Chris’ words.

Chris sighs, put upon. 

And Sebastian was trying to be better than this. Trying to be more responsible. Sebastian wasn’t supposed to act like this anymore. He’d mostly stopped doing this. He’d mostly stopped doing coke, even. 

But, that all got thrown out the window today when he’d made Chris spill that coffee.

So.

Sebastian sinks to his knees in front of Chris. Chris raises his eyebrows, but then his face becomes hard, unreadable. Sebastian thinks he looks like he’s doing Sebastian a favor, and it feels to Sebastian like he is. His mouth is wet at the sight of it. He feels equal parts joy and shame. Chris stands up tall, impassive.

Sebastian looks up at Chris with big doe eyes and reaches for the zipper of Chris’ jeans. He gets his pants and boxers down with practiced ease, then reaches for Chris’ cock with vulgar reverence. Chris is rapidly hardening and Sebastian watches the process with wonder, stroking gently to ease him along. Chris isn’t looking at him, is looking straight ahead.

Sebastian gives a last firm squeeze before taking the head into his mouth. His cheeks hollow as he sucks, making his cheekbones even more pronounced. He swirls his tongue around the underside of the head of Chris’ dick, making him break his composure and gives a loud exhale. Sebastian’s eyelids flutter closed in pleasure. The bathroom tile is cold below his knees.

Chris runs his fingers through Sebastian’s hair before gripping it tight near the back of his head. Sebastian shivers. Sebastian starts with a slow, sure rhythm, only going halfway down Chris’ length. He grips the base of Chris dick firmly in one hand, he uses the other to rub at his clothed erection. 

Pre-cum pools in Sebastian’s mouth. He gives up any semblance of dignity and lets the pre-cum and saliva spill from his mouth onto the floor. He takes Chris deeper, deep enough to make himself gag, and then he keeps going. Chris moans above him.

Sebastian pulls off of Chris, a trail of spit following him. Sebastian looks wrecked, the lower half of his face shiny with saliva. His eyes are watery. His lips are red like he’s wearing lipstick. His voice is slightly hoarse as he says “Please. Fuck my face, please, please”

Sebastian doesn’t know why he wants it so bad, just knows that he does. That he aches for it. That just asking for it leaves a pool of warmth in the pit of his stomach.

Chris groans. He grips Sebastian’s head with both of his big hands. Hesitatingly, at first, he fucks into Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian opens wide, keeps the teeth he’s so self conscious of far away from Chris. More drool pools under them.

“Oh my God,” Chris says.

“You were made for this.” Chris says.

If Sebastian could answer he would say ‘Yes, yes, yes.’

Chris speeds up his thrusts now. Sebastian grips his hips, helps him go harder. Chris is breathing hard. Sebastian is lucky to get a breathe. He’s getting into the headspace he’s always chasing, where his thoughts go quiet, where outside perception ceases to matter. All he can hear is his own heartbeat. Getting fired no longer matter to him, fucking up no longer matters to him, all that matters in the whole world is Chris’ cock going in and out of him.

Sebastian shivers again. The vibration sends Chris over the edge and he spills into Sebastian’s mouth, most of it falls out, covers Sebastian’s chin and t-shirt. Chris legs shake with the force of his orgasm, Sebastian can feel it though his own hands. Chris pulls out. He runs his hands through Sebastian’s hair again, gives him an awkward pat on the head. Sebastian pants on the floor.

Chris grabs some paper towels, wipes his dick clean and puts himself away. He hands some more to Sebastian. Sebastian feels dazed, the sweet head space he was in having evaporated as quickly as it came. He feels disgusting and embarrassed. He’s still hard in his jeans. He avoids Chris’ eyes as he takes the paper towels.

“Thanks.” He says. His voice sounds awful, his tone dead even though he is thankful. Chris gave him what he begged for and then gave him paper towels, he’s thankful.

“Yeah.” Says Chris awkwardly, he’s still out of breathe himself. 

Chris gives Sebastian a hand up, he take it. Sebastian stands on shaky legs. His knees hurt. He thinks ‘I’m too fucking old to be doing this.’ Chris goes to wash his hands. Sebastian feels shame claw at his throat. He takes deep breathes.

“Well, ugh, thanks.” Chris says, he’s looking a little to the left of Sebastian’s left ear.

“Yeah, ugh, you know,” is the best response Sebastian can think of.

There’s a moment of silence between them, Chris waits for more but Sebastian is too tired to finish a thought. Too tired to think anything more than ‘you fucked up again.’ 

“Okay.” Chris says finally. 

He leaves the bathroom.

Sebastian leans against the sink. He looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like he just sucked a dick in a club bathroom. His eyes are red and watery, his lips are an unnatural pout, spit still covers his shirt. 

“Shit.” He says to his reflection.

He leaves the club quickly, his head ducked down. His legs feel like a baby deers. He barely makes it back to his hotel room. As soon as he does he lies down and falls into an anxious sleep.

He wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and three missed phone calls from his agent. Sebastian goes back to sleep.

He wakes up again at noon. He still feels like death. His head is pounding, his throat feels like he deepthroated barbed wire instead of dick. He gets a coffee, takes an Advil. He turns on the TV, sits on the hotel bed smoking until he feels ready to face the music. He’s pretty sure his agent is about to fire him, pretty sure he deserves it. 

The humiliation of the last 24 hours cling to him like smoke to the bedspread. He calls his agent back.

“Good news, Seb!” She says

Sebastian is too stunned to speak.

“‘American Captain’ wants you for the James Barnes role now! That’s the co-star, that’s a huge pay increase, much more screen time. I don’t know what you did to impress Chris Evans but keep it up, he really pushed for you.”

Sebastian gulps. He feels short of breathe. 

His agent gives him the details, says they’re sending the script over now, that shooting will resume in three days. Sebastian barely hears her. He feels another wave of hot shame wash over him. He feels like he’s about to cry. Luckily his agent takes his quietness as stunned gratitude. She says her goodbyes and hangs up.

‘Shit.’ Sebastian thinks.


	2. 2010 (Well I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, kid.” Chris says. Chris is like a year older than him. Sebastian feels condescended to. Sebastian also feels turned on. Turned on because he’s being condescended to, maybe.

“I didn’t suck your dick for a job. I don’t want your fucking job! I—“

Sebastian stops himself. He’s practicing in the mirror what he’s going to say to Chris. It’s not going well.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t take this part. He felt sick with shame and guilt. He knew he couldn’t do it. He had some dignity.

Except.

He’d memorized the lines as soon as the script was delivered.

But he wasn’t going to actually go through with it. He was going to talk to Chris. He just had to get up the courage.

The walk from his brand new trailer to Chris’ feels like a coal walk.

He knocks on the door. Chris answers, shirtless, his perfect chest and taut abs just out there for anyone to look at. Sebastian curses in his head.

“Hey, kid.” Chris says. Chris is like a year older than him. Sebastian feels condescended to. Sebastian also feels turned on. Turned on because he’s being condescended to, maybe. 

“Hey,” Sebastian says awkwardly. He feels like he just got thrown into the deep end with two broken arms. “Uh, I think we need to, ya know, talk.”

Chris opens the door wider, an invitation. Sebastian hesitates, then enters. Chris trailer is nice. Like crazy nice. Sebastian doesn’t comment, tries not to look.

“I uh,” Sebastian starts. What had he been planning on saying? He keeps looking at Chris tattoos—is he a Taurus? He doesn’t act like a Taurus. “I ugh, wanted to say thanks, I guess?” Sebastian curses himself in his head.”but uh—“

Chris takes a step closer and touched his cheekbone with his thumb. 

“Listen,” Chris says. “I shouldn’t have fired you, I was being an asshole, I get kinda anxious sometimes, whatever. But uh, you really went above and beyond to get your job back—“

Sebastian starts to deny it but is silenced by Chris’ thumb moving to his lips. They both stand there a moment, breathing. Then Sebastian sucks Chris’ thumb into his mouth. Chris makes a satisfied smile.

This isn’t what Sebastian came in here to do. He was going to stand his ground, have some dignity, but as Chris works another finger into his mouth his dignity seems trivial. Sebastian moans around the new finger, sucks on it with enthusiasm. 

Chris breaks them apart, takes a step back. He turns around, fishes in his backpack until he finds lube and a condom. Sebastian thinks about leaving, knows he shouldn’t be doing this, he’s fucked around a lot, but rarely with straight men and never with a boss. But then he looks at Chris, so big and muscular and masculine, with such a tiny waist and tits for days and he stops thinking.

Chris manhandles Sebastian so that he’s leaning face down on the counter on the kitchenette. Chris pulls down Sebastian’s too-tight jeans and Calvin Klein’s. He pours a little lube on his hole, messages it in with his thumb, and then sticks two fingers in with no other pre-amble. It burns and aches and Sebastian is getting very hard.

Chris fucks into him with his fingers for a minute, then adds a little more lube and another finger. Sebastian writhes on the counter, panting. 

“Oh good God.” He says under his breathe.

Chris takes that as a sign that he’s sufficiently prepped. He lines himself up and pushes into Sebastian slowly. 

“Oh good God!” Sebastian says louder.

Chris covers Sebastian’s mouth with his hand. Sebastian’s pupil get even bigger. He ruts against the counter involuntarily.

“You like it when I take what I want?” Chris asks, he’s panting himself, a wild look in his eyes. His eyes say Chris Evans does not usually act like this. His eyes reflect Sebastian in them.

Sebastian moans and nods. He does, God, he does.

“You like when I take what’s mine?” Chris tries.

Sebastian stops being able to hold himself up slumps face down on the counter. His knees feel weak, like the only thing keeping him from hitting the floor is Chris’ dick. 

“Mmmm.” He answers Chris. He does like when Chris takes what’s his. He wants to be his, wants to be something of value, he wants desperately to be as good as any of the luxury shit Chris has lying haphazardly around his trailer.

Chris smiles again, fucks into Sebastian harder.

“God, you feel good.” He says. The praise goes straight to Sebastian’s dick. He feels lightheaded.

“Being so good, just taking it for me.” Chris says. Sebastian feels in that wonderful headspace, again this time even better than before. He feels both outside of his body and like every sensation is heightened. He feels the edge of the counter digging into his thighs, but the pain passes over him like velvet. He can feel himself pant against Chris hand but feels like he is breathless for the first time in a week.

Chris slaps Sebastian’s ass with his other hand and Sebastian comes on his dick. Chris keeps fucking into him. It’s too much sensation, Sebastian vibrated with it, like his body doesn’t know where to put it all. He feels tender like a bruised peach.

Chris doesn’t acknowledge that Sebastian’s come, just keeps fucking into him with the same steady rhythm.

“I want to tie you down and really make you mine.” Chris confesses into Sebastian’s ear and Sebastian groans, squeezes tight around Chris cock and he comes.

Chris pulls out, throws the condom into the trash. He pulls his sweatpants back up, goes to check his phone. Sebastian is still lying on the counter, he doesn’t feel like his legs can support him yet. He’s breathing heavily, he’s once again lost his good headspace.

Chris sits down on the couch and looks at him. 

“Did you want to talk about something?” He asks innocently.

“It doesn’t matter.” Sebastian says. It doesn’t matter, his dignity doesn’t mean shit Sebastian realizes.

The walk back to his trailer is more painful than the walk out. He doesn’t even feel embarrassed. He feels empty. 

Sebastian gets back to his trailer and starts practicing lines in front of the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this filth let me know what ya think


	3. 2010 (And you're an all-American boy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris made small talk, smiled. He acted so polite, so gentlemanly. He acted in a way that Sebastian only got to see directed at others, something he never saw when they were alone together. He tried not to let it affect him. He failed.

It was Sebastian’s last day of shooting on ‘American Captain.’ 

Sebastian was both relieved and disappointed. The shoot had been great, he’d gotten to act, like really act. He’d put effort into his performance, he’d written character notes, he’d made a playlist, he hadn’t gotten laughed at when he made suggests about his character to the director. He hadn’t been listened to, but he wasn’t laughed at either. It was good. 

He’d also had sex with Chris five more times since shooting had begun. Each time had been great. Really. It was some of the hottest sex of his life, it made him squirm in excitement just thinking about it, made heat go to his cheeks and his belly, made him get hard at night as he thought about, made him wake up humping the bed while he dreamed about it. It was great.

Except.

Except each time left him feeling more and more hollow. Carved out. Used, even though he initiated it as much as Chris, wanted it just as much, if not more.

He didn’t know what it was. He’d had a lot of casual sex in his life. He never cheated, but if he wasn’t in a monogamist relationship he was kind of a slut. Okay, he’ll admit, a total slut. For men and woman both. He’d had club bathroom hookups before, he’d had casual flings with costars before, none of them had left him feeling like this.

Maybe it was the same special something that made Chris a star. 

The glow he carried inside him that made him stand out in any crowd. The innate something Chris was able to use but not control. Sebastian felt their was something timelessly all-American about the way he moved, stood, looked at you. Sebastian felt he both shone and dimmed next to Chris.

Sebastian wanted any piece of that something he could get, even if it made him ill afterwards. He felt addicted to it, to Chris.

Sebastian got up from bed and went to set. It was his last day and he was going to try his best not to dwell on his angsty bullshit.

He went to makeup, flirted with the girls, made them laugh, tried not to stare at Chris as he sat and got his own makeup applied.

Chris made small talk, smiled. He acted so polite, so gentlemanly. He acted in a way that Sebastian only got to see directed at others, something he never saw when they were alone together. He tried not to let it affect him. He failed.

Sebastian was back in his trailer reading when he heard a knock at the door. He knew who it must be before he answered. Chris gave a small, suave, heart stopping smile. His hands were in his pockets. He leaned against the door.

“I heard Kristi say it was your last day.” He said.

“Yeah.”

Chris nodded, looked at the ground for a second. His eyelashes were so long. Then he came completely inside Sebastian’s trailer, locked the door behind him.

He walked towards Sebastian. He cupped his big hand around Sebastian’s face. He leaned in and kissed him. Sebastian felt like he was going to need an ambulance. Chris had never kissed him before.

Chris pulls back. He looks amused at Sebastian reaction. 

“That’s a goodbye.”

“Oh.”

Chris makes to leave. Sebastian panics, he needs more. Chris can’t just give him a Disney prince kiss and leave without following through.

“Is that all I get?” Sebastian asks and he doesn’t mean anything more than that, really, he hasn’t wanted to say it for weeks, he swears.

Chris smiles. He looks like a high school quarterback. He looks like a cowboy. He looks like a superhero. He looks beautiful.

“You’re getting spoiled.” He says, laughter in his voice.

Sebastian’s mouth goes dry. His breath catches. Oh God, he thinks, Chris can see through him like an X-ray machine. He can see every dirty little thought and desire. Sebastian nods, because he doesn’t think he can speak.

Chris sees Sebastian’s reaction and his eyes go dark. He walks back towards Sebastian’s, he picks him up by his slender waist and carries him over to the couch. Sebastian wants to protest. He is also so turned on by Chris’ show of strength that the words die in his throat.

Chris practically rips their clothes off. He finds the lube Sebastian has begun to keep in his bag. He puts some on his own hand and reaches for Sebastian’s dick. Sebastian has to put his hand over his own mouth to avoid being discovered. 

“Oh my God.” He says muffled. Chris smiles his million watt smile.

Chris jerks him until Sebastian is on the absolute edge, until his whole body is clenching with it, until his ass is lifting up into Chris’ hand involuntarily. 

Then Chris takes his hand away.

Sebastian whines loudly. He sounds pathetic to his own ears. 

“You’re a spoiled little slut, huh Seb?” Chris asks. Sebastian gasps, humps the air. He feels so warm, he feels like he’s on fire, he feels amazing.

“Yeah, you are.” Chris answers his own question. He moves quickly flipping Sebastian onto his stomach. He pour lube onto his own cock and then he’s in Sebastian, pushing in deep.

Sebastian moans. The stretch burns, like the rest of him burns. He feels like Joan of Arc. He feels shame and lust and fulfillment. He feels so, so, so turned on.

“Oh God, oh Chris.”

Chris ponds into him. He’s going fast and hard, seemingly unmoved by Sebastian’s whines and wails and moans. He keeps going and going and going.

“You’re my spoiled little slut, yeah?” He asks. Sebastian comes as soon as the words make there way into his fucked out brain.

Chris finishes soon after, coming into Sebastian’s ass so much that Seb fears the condom will break.

They sit there awkwardly on the couch for a minute, both breathing heavily.

“So I’ll see you around.” Chris says after he’s dressed himself again. Sebastian still sits on the couch, naked, the emptiness beginning to settle into him.

“Yeah, okay.” He says.

He doesn’t see Chris again until the premiere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that’s read/liked/commented ❤️


	4. 2011 (I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian thinks about how he had missed Chris. How when they were together it left Sebastian with an empty pit in his stomach afterwards. He tried to keep all of this in mind. Chris pats him on the back absentmindedly and these thoughts lose all there importance.

The premiere of ‘American Captain’ is a Friday. It’s the first time Sebastian sees Chris since shooting ended. He promises himself that they’re not going to fuck. He’s not doing that to himself again. Sebastian has spent the past nine months trying not to think about Chris. It hasn’t been going well. 

He knew their relationship was unhealthy. He knew it was fairly one sided, even if they both wanted sex. It wasn’t like he’d expected them to date, or even to really see each other, but he’d wanted something. Sebastian wanting something was always a problem. As the premiere date had drawn closer Sebastian found himself checking his phone with nervous anticipation, if only for a ‘see you soon’ text. He hadn’t dared text Chris himself.

He kept thinking about their kiss.

He had been so nervous about the premiere that he’d done three shots of vodka before hand. It had stopped his hands from shaking, if not exactly steadying him. It didn’t all have to do with Chris. Their relationship wasn’t entirely about Chris. Sebastian was nervous about his performance. He had anxiety both about being recognized and not being recognized. He was afraid to fail, again. This was his last shot, he knew it. 

Still even with worse anxiety enveloping him, what kept coming back to him was their kiss.

They pose for a photo together, Chris puts his hand on the back of Sebastian’s neck and squeezes. Sebastian suppresses a shiver. They break apart. He puts his big hand on Sebastian’s chest. Taps it, smoothed down his already smooth tie. 

Says “Looking good, kid.” Then turns back to his publicist, dismissing Sebastian. His heart is doing double time.

Sebastian thinks about how he had missed Chris. How when they were together it left Sebastian with an empty pit in his stomach afterwards. He tried to keep all of this in mind. Chris pats him on the back absentmindedly and these thoughts lose all there importance.

‘Shit.’ Sebastian thinks, ‘I’m going to fuck him again. I’m going to take any piece of him I can get my hands on. Any piece he’ll let me touch.’ 

Sebastian sits through the movie. He can barely watch it. He’s sat through to many of his own shitty movies at premieres before, been too disappointed before. The friends and family he brought all assure him it was great. “Not at all like The Covenant.” “Actually good.” But Sebastian isn’t sure he believes them.

The after party is better because he can get wasted. He knows he shouldn’t. Knows he should try to remain professional, make connections, but he’s never been good at that. He does another shot and then has a vodka tonic and then another shot and then a rum and coke. He’s feeling better about the movie already. Chris has been good in it anyway. Had been magnetic and charming and handsome and everything a movie star should be.

“Hey,” Says a too familiar voice from behind him.

“Chris,” Sebastian says and smiles crookedly. The tone he’d been going for had been uninterested but comes out sounding grateful.

“It’s good to see you, man.” Chris says and he’s so genuine. His eyes are so blue, his smile so bright. Sebastian feels like the airs been punched out of him,

“You too.” Sebastian says and he thinks he sounds fucking pathetic, too needy, too desperate.

Chris orders himself a beer, turns back to Sebastian. Says “What have you been up to?”

Sebastian has been auditioning a lot without getting anything. He knows Chris already has projects lined up, it gets reported in Variety, and Entertainment Weekly, and just about everywhere else.

“Oh, you know.” He replies. Doesn’t think Chris really does know.

“Ha ha, yeah.” Chris says and Sebastian realizes he must be drunk too. It makes his smile seem less meaningful. Gives Sebastian enough confidence to ask—

“You seeing anyone?” Chris shakes his head. “You wanna get outta here?”

Chris doesn’t say anything for a little too long. Sebastian just stands there. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“Don’t want to do it in the bathroom anymore?” He asks finally, laughs. Sebastian wants to either die or kill him.

“Naw.” He says mildly. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

Chris’s hand is behind his neck. “Kidding.” He says inanely. Sebastian refuses to crack a smile, refuses to break the tension. Chris is silent too long again. Sebastian makes to walk away.

“Hey, man, I want to.” Chris says, grabbing Sebastian’s arm. The contact sends shivers down his spine.

“Alright.” Sebastian says. He wants Chris with his whole body, he wants to get out of his body, he wants...

Chris drives them to Sebastian’s hotel room. They walk in discretely. As soon as they’re inside Chris is on him, kissing him. It’s a thousand times better than Sebastian remembered. More passionate than the kiss he’s been thinking about for months. Sebastian kisses back with his whole body, he presses into Chris like a leech. He wants Chris in him now. Needs Chris in him now. Needs...

“Slap me.” Sebastian says, and it wasn’t what he was planning on saying but it feels right.  
Chris looks a little repulsed. “Come on.” Sebastian says.

Chris hits Sebastian’s face lightly, not enough to hurt, barely enough to make a sound.

“Come on, man, really slap me.” Sebastian begs. He takes a hold of Chris’ arm and positions it. “Hit me like you mean it.” 

“I don’t mean it.” Chris says and hits him harder. Almost hard enough for Sebastian to not think about what else Chris doesn’t mean.

“Harder.” Sebastian says. This isn’t the first time he’s done this, he knows what he’s chasing.  
Chris hits him hard enough, finally, and his face is unreadable and Sebastian moans and doesn’t care about anything for a blissful second. Chris pets his face, where he just hit him. Sebastian comes back to his body. 

“Good. That’s real good, Chris.” Sebastian says after a second. He feels peace spread throughout his body. He feels good, finally. Chris smiles, weakly, looks unsure. “Real good, baby.” Sebastian repeats. Chris smile grows stronger. “Do it again for me.” Sebastian says. Chris smile fades.

Chris does it again, just as hard on the other side. Sebastian moans louder, he feels so good, it’s just what he needs. He feels whole. He practically melts when Chris again touches his face gently.

“So good.” Sebastian mumbles. He lies down on the bed, strewn with the clothes he’d taken off before changing into his suit for the premiere. That all feels so distant. His worries about the film, about himself so far away.

Sebastian is lying on the bed breathing heavily. He’s not looking at Chris.

“Uh,” Chris says. Sebastian looks up.

“Lube and condoms are in the bag” Sebastian says, gesturing.

“Do you still want to?” Chris asks.

“Want to so bad, so bad.” Sebastian says and it’s the truth. He wants Chris with his whole body, has for months.

Chris goes and gets the lube and condoms, hesitates before Sebastian’s prone form.

“Please.” Sebastian says and he can see Chris’ pupils dilate. 

Chris is on him then, his hands all over, ripping his suit off. Sebastian moans at the contact. Chris gets him naked and starts working him open with two fingers. It aches in the best way. Sebastian can’t keep quiet, doesn’t try to.

When Sebastian is worked over enough, Chris unzips himself, takes his cock out. He rolls on the condom and lines himself up. Sebastian shivers in anticipation.

“You okay?” Chris asks and Sebastian wishes he would stop asking, that he would call him a slut or tell him he was made to take cock instead.

“Yeah, Chris.” Sebastian says. “Please.” He repeats and hopes his desperation isn’t disgusting.

Chris enters him with a long groan. Sebastian squeezes around him. Chris goes slow, slower than he ever has before. It feels good, feels great. But it’s not what Sebastian needs.

“Harder.” Sebastian says.

Chris hesitates, then complies, slamming into Sebastian with enough force to knock the breathe out of him.

“Oh good God!” Sebastian moans. He feels amazing. The empty feeling a distant memory.

Chris slams into him again and again and again. Each thrust hits his prostate just right, eliciting a mewl from the younger man.

“Chris!” Sebastian moans and Chris goes harder. Hard enough to make Sebastian shoot all over his stomach coming untouched. Chris moans at the sight of it and is coming himself in seconds.

They lay there entangled and panting for a minute. 

Chris gets up. He throws the condom in the trash with a loud, harsh splat. Sebastian remembers the empty feeling all to well now. Chris cleans himself up and tucks himself away. He looks perfectly put together, just like the first time. Sebastian continues to lie there looking used and debauched.

“You need anything?” Chris asks and Sebastian wants to scream at the question. He wants to beg Chris for something, anything. A kiss, a touch, a smile. 

“No, man.” He says. 

Chris hesitates again at the door. Sebastian closes his eyes. He hears it open and shut, footsteps growing quieter.

Sebastian knows he fucked up. Knows he got exactly what he asked for. Knows he’s a fucking idiot.

“Shit.” He says out loud.

Sebastian doesn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading lemme know what you think :-)


	5. 2011 (You're the one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is just so magnetic, so charming, so handsome, it’s terrible. He’s like a Disney prince come to life. And Sebastian isn’t that. Isn’t anywhere near that good, inside or out. It makes being with Chris painful. Makes not getting to always be with him painful

Sebastian is sitting on the balcony of his hotel room, smoking a cigarette. He’s been doing this for a few hours now. He feels like shit—shaky and unbalanced and emotional. He knows he fucked up sleeping with Chris again.

Chris is just so magnetic, so charming, so handsome, it’s terrible. He’s like a Disney prince come to life. And Sebastian isn’t that. Isn’t anywhere near that good, inside or out. It makes being with Chris painful. Makes not getting to always be with him painful.

Sebastian’s phone lights up. Sebastian, takes another drag of his cigarette, reluctantly checks his phone. His heart stops.

‘You doing ok?’ Reads the text from Chris.

Guilt eats at Sebastian. Chris obviously feels bad about slapping Sebastian, is obviously disgusted. He’s too good to ever want to do something like that. But Sebastian had made him. And now, after months without texting, is asking Sebastian if he’s okay. Because Chris is upset with himself. Sebastian feels even more shitty now. Is shaking even more. Sebastian swallows down the guilt.

‘I’m good’ he texts. ‘You?’

Three dots appear and don’t go away for a while. Sebastian swears he’s going to cry; he hasn’t cried in years.

Finally Chris types. ‘Not great. I think we need to talk.’

Shit.

Shit. 

Shit.

This is okay. 

This is fine.

This is great, really! Sebastian said he needed to stop sleeping with Chris, but obviously can’t be trusted to stick to that. So Chris is going to do it for him. Really it’s nice of Chris to want to have a talk at all. To not just throw him in the trash. It’s very gentlemanly, makes it seem like they almost had something real.

Sebastian just hopes Chris isn’t too angry with him, even though he knows Chris has a right to be. He had hoped they could still be friends, but obviously he’d fucked that up. Sebastian rubs hard at his eyes. He lights another cigarette. 

‘Ok’ he writes back. He hopes Chris doesn’t notice it took him twenty minutes to type two letters.

More dots appear. Sebastian can’t stand to look at them, goes and makes himself a cup of coffee. He comes back out to the balcony and checks his phone.

‘Can I come by your hotel now?’ 

Sebastian looks down at himself, he’s only in boxers and a sweatshirt, his hair’s a mess, his eyes look fucked up, he reeks of smoke. Well, he’s definitely not going to win Chris back anyway.

‘Sure’ he types.

He doesn’t know where Chris is driving from but figured with L.A. traffic he has at least some time. He undresses, hops in the shower. He’s just finished shampooing his hair when he hears a knock at his door. 

He opens it, wet, wearing only a towel, and finds Chris Evans looking tired and bedraggled and perfect.

“Hey,” the angel in front of him says.

“Hey, sorry.” Sebastian says. Chris frowns. “Come in.”

Chris steps into the room, then right in front of Sebastian, so they’re almost touching.

“Are you really okay?” Chris asks, and sounds so sincere that Sebastian can’t answer for a minute.

“I—yeah, man. Why, why wouldn’t I be?” Sebastian says.

Chris just looks right into his eyes. His eyes are so blue, so open.

“You have a bruise.” Chris says, his hand ghosting over Sebastian’s left cheek bone.

Sebastian hadn’t noticed. He moves his hand to touch it, but Chris catches his hand.

“I did that.” Chris says and Sebastian feels so guilty he could jump off the balcony.

“I asked you to. Begged you to.” 

Chris touches the bruise lightly.. Then, as if in slow motion, he leans over and kisses it gently. Sebastian’s brain short circuits.

“I want to take care of you.”

“You don’t have to. I can take care of myself.”

“Do you want to?” Sebastian wishes Chris wouldn’t ask him questions like that. He can take care of himself, has done it for years, he doesn’t need someone to—Chris can’t expect him to admit he wants that out loud. Sebastian avoids Chris’ eyes.

He nods his head, defeated.

Chris is on him then, kissing his face all over, gently, reverently. Sebastian gasps. His body melts into it against his conscious will. It feels like sunshine after a storm.

Chris practically carries Sebastian onto the bed, removes his towel, and then unexpectedly, covers him up with the blankets. Sebastian stops shivering for the first time since last night.

“Oh.” He sighs, then confused. “What?”

“I want to take care of you. And we need to talk. Have you had breakfast yet?”

Sebastian shakes his head, still confused as to what exactly Chris is doing, why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Chris sits on the bed and dials room service. Sebastian watches him curiously while Chris orders waffles and eggs and bacon and fruit and coffee. He hangs up then snuggles up next to Sebastian, spooning him. Sebastian can’t remember a time when he was the little spoon. It feels nice. Really nice.

Chris kisses the back of his head. “We need to talk.” Sebastian is no longer sure what Chris wants to talk about.

“Okay.” He says, reluctantly. “Talk, man.”

Chris takes a deep inhale. “I’ve never done anything like that before.” He says. “Anything like last night, anything like how we normally have sex. You’re the only man I’ve ever slept with.” 

Sebastian didn’t know that, never suspected that. 

Chris continues “And I think because of that, I just thought it was different. I wasn’t mindful about what I did to you, how I handled things. And I’m sorry about that.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, man. I—“

“I want to apologize.” Chris interrupts him. “I wouldn’t have ever treated a woman the way I treated you.” Sebastian starts to say something and Chris stop him. “Not that what we were doing was a problem! I love what we were doing, just, the way I handled it. That was a problem.” 

Sebastian turns to look at Chris. “If the sex wasn’t the problem, what was?” Sebastian asks, hopes his confused desperation doesn’t come across.

“I treated you like shit! That’s the problem! I just left you and didn’t think—“ Chris cuts himself off, takes four deep breathes. “Sorry. I’m not angry at you. I did some reading last night. About, uh, BDSM. And, uh, I realized I wasn’t doing a good job, with aftercare or anything.”

“Aftercare?” Sebastian questions.

“Yeah, you know. Taking care of you after, making sure you’re alright.”

“I said you don’t have to do that, Chris.”

“Yeah, I do. Seb, you’ve done this before right? Stuff like last night?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t they do something afterwards?”

Sebastian laughs without much joy. “Yeah, sex.”

“I mean after that.”

Sebastian shakes his head. He’d done stuff like last night multiple times, starting in college. It had always been easy. Usually good. And afterwards Sebastian would always take care of himself. It wasn’t until Chris that he realized he wanted something more.

They’re interrupted by a knock at the door. Chris answers it, comes back with breakfast. Chris pours them both a cup of coffee.

“Milk, sugar?” Chris asks.

Sebastian head is spinning. “A little.” He answers. Chris adds both, hands Sebastian his cup. It tastes warm and sweet. 

“I want to take care of you.” Chris says again. Sebastian can’t believe he’d say something like that.

“Why?” Sebastian asks, he wants to let Chris, wants it so bad, but can’t stand to have Chris do it just because he thinks he’s supposed to.

“Because I care about you. Because you’re my friend. Because I—because it makes me feel good. Is that enough reasons.”

Sebastian can’t trust his voice, nods.

“Okay, then.” Chris says. “Let’s get you breakfast.”

Sebastian reaches for a fork, but Chris grabs his hand. 

“I’ll do it. I want to do it, please.”

Sebastian feels overwhelmed with tenderness, his whole body feels bruised in the best way. He feels warm and glowing, like some of Chris’ magic has rubbed off on him.

“Okay.” He says, and it feels like the understatement of the year.

Chris feeds Sebastian bites of fruit and waffle, in between kissing him gently. Kisses that don’t demand anything more, each one feels like Chris saying again ‘I want to take care of you.’

After breakfast Sebastian feels like he could sleep for s thousand years, he feels dreamy, but not in the way he does during sex with Chris, this dreaminess feels more real, less ephemeral.

Chris kisses his bruise again. Says “You deserve to be taken care of.” Sebastian shivers.

“Thanks.” Sebastian says, knowing ‘thanks’ doesn’t begin to cover how he feels.

“No problem, kid.” Chris says, and for the first time it feels like a term of affection rather than something demeaning. “There’s some things I want you to read. More we should talk about.”

“Okay.” Sebastian says, trying to keep his eyes open.

“Hush. It can wait. Get some sleep.” Chris says.

Sebastian does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to everyone who’s read/like/commented :-)  
> Lemme know what you think!


	6. 2012 (You're all I ever wanted)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Down on your knees.” 
> 
> Immediately Sebastian’s drops, above him Chris smiles.

Sebastian still isn’t happy with his career. 

He’s just gotten back from an audition that had gone less than great. Frustrated he walks into his Manhattan apartment.

“Down on your knees.” 

Immediately Sebastian’s drops, above him Chris smiles.

“Good boy.” Chris says, Sebastian melts. He feels good, feels like he is good. The earlier frustration falls right out of him, replaced with calm contentment.

Chris stands over him in jeans and a t-shirt, his tattoos barely visible through the fabric. Sebastian’s mouth feels dry looking at him, his heart pounding. Chris must have let himself in with the key Sebastian gave him. He was in town shooting an indie drama he was excited about.

Chris takes a step closer and runs his finger along Sebastian’s pouting lips, then moves and cups his jaw.

“This mouth is mine, isn’t it?” Sebastian nods, eyes transfixed on Chris. “I decide what it does. You know what it think it should be doing now?” Sebastian nods again, opens his mouth.

Chris sticks his thumb in Sebastian’s mouth, his hand still cupping Sebastian’s chin. Sebastian closes his eyes, sucks. Chris hums, then unzips his pants.

Chris takes out his cock and begins to fuck Sebastian’s face hard. Sebastian moans around the length. He feels that beautiful floating feeling, untouchable by the real world. He feels only this moment, only Chris.

He looks up at Chris as he fucks into him, looks at Chris’ glowing movie star self, feels the light and heat hit him, feels it fill him up. Sebastian hollows his cheeks as drool spill from his mouth covering him, Chris continues to fuck into him unrelentingly. Chris hands grip his hair hard, hard enough to make his scalp tingle. Sebastian groans, Chris does too.

Chris pulls out of him, a trail of saliva and pre-cum following his hard cock. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” Chris asks, petting his cheek.

Sebastian nods, swallows, looks up into Chris dazzling blue eyes. “Yeah.”

Chris smiles. “Yeah, what?”

“Yeah, sir.” Chris keeps smiling, bends down to kiss him. Sebastian smiles into the kiss.

Then Chris is manhandling him into a standing position, pushing him face forward into a wall. He takes off Sebastian shirt and pushes his pants down to his knees. He kisses the back of Sebastian’s neck, then takes a small bottle of lube out of his pocket. He coats his fingers and Sebastian’s hole, then fucks into him with two fingers.

“Oh God.” Sebastian moans. The stretch hurts in the best way.

Chris curls his fingers and hits Sebastian’s prostate just right.

“Oh God!” Sebastian repeats.

“So good taking it for me.” Chris whispers into his ear, Sebastian whimpers. “So good at taking whatever I want, cause you’re mine. Right, Seb?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Sebastian chants. He’s Chris’. All Chris’.

Chris roughly turns Sebastian’s head so he can kiss him on the lips, Sebastian moans into the kiss. Sebastian heats Chris unzipping his own pants. Then Chris is taking out his fingers and lining himself up. He rubs a teasing little circle around Sebastian’s hole. eliciting a whimper, then he’s pushing in in one fluid motion until he’s buried to the hilt.

“Oh God, Chris.” Sebastian whimpers.

Chris takes ahold of Sebastian by the back of the neck, holding him steady as he fucks in and out of him in long strokes.

“All mine.” Chris says, seemingly to himself, and Sebastian melts further, going completely limp.

Chris speeds up his thrusting, each one hitting Sebastian just right. He’s so close, his stomach a pit of lava. Chris leans forward and bites the side of his neck and that does it. Chris claiming him, owning him, sends Sebastian falling over the edge, coming all over his stomach.

“There you go, sweetheart.” Chris says and he’s coming himself, filling Sebastian up with his seed. He doesn’t pull out right away, keeps Sebastian filled and pinned to the wall for a minute until both There breathing has calmed down.

Then he’s pulling Sebastian into a kiss, Sebastian returns it passionately. He feels so good, so happy. Chris kisses where he bit him.

They stand there kissing a minute, then Chris slaps his ass lightly and says “Bath time.”

Chris leads Sebastian into the bathroom, sits him on the edge as he fills the tub. Sebastian is beginning to come out of subspace, the world and reality encroaching on his peace. 

But Chris is there to help him, Sebastian knows. He leans into Chris, rests his head on his broad shoulder. They sit like that quietly for a minute as the tub fills.

“How’d the audition go?” Chris asks.

“Ugh.” Sebastian says getting completely naked. “Terrible.” 

Chris hums understandingly.

“How’d the table read go?” Sebastian asks.

“It’s a great script.” Chris says, half dodging the question.

“I’m sure you did great.” Sebastian says, he knows now how short Chris tends to sell himself. Knows now that the man has a lot of insecurities himself. He gets into the now filled tub, Chris fully undressing and following him.

Chris hums again, not agreeing with Sebastian but not disagreeing either. It’s an improvement.

Sebastian relaxes into Chris behind him, feels the warmth of his strong chest. He breathes deeply. Chris traces little patterns along Sebastian’s shoulders and arms, it’s relaxing. Sebastian lets the disappointments of today and yesterday and the day before leave him. He lets Chris shampoo his hair and wash his body, each act making him calmer, happier.

When they finally get out of the tub Sebastian leans into Chris, gives him a deep kiss.

“Thanks.” He says, he’s always thankful for Chris, for what Chris does, even though Chris has said he doesn’t need to be. 

“Of course, kid.” 

They both get redressed, Chris in his clothes and Sebastian in sweats and a t-shirt. 

Just the few minutes of separation to get dressed has made some of the shittiness of his day creep back in, has made Sebastian’s mood go down.

“Hey,” He says to Chris. “You think you can stay longer? Watch a movie or something?” He’s almost positive of Chris’ answer but still gets nervous asking.

“Before Sunset?” Chris suggests without missing a beat.

They curl up on the couch under a blanket and watch the movie, Sebastian leaning against Chris, perfectly content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone that’s stuck with this and kudosed/commented!😘😘  
> Lemme know if you want more of this verse/what kinda stuff ya wanna see  
> Thanks!


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